I’m Not Cautiously Optimistic

I’m Recklessly Expectant.

It would be so easy to walk into this season of variables, science, and statistics with a guarded heart. Maybe it would feel safer to not get my hopes up. Maybe it would be more practical to stick to percentages. That’s not who I am anymore.

I am throwing caution and pragmatism out the window because they do not serve me here.

Truth: If things don’t go the way we hope, I will not be less disappointed because I didn’t get my hopes up.

If we don’t get enough eggs, if we don’t have any healthy embryos, if our transfer fails… I will be disappointed. That disappointment will be the exact same whether I proceed with caution or if I believe with my whole heart that this will work.

I will not let myself fall victim to the snares of shame by trying to save face or play it cool.

I am going to expectantly believe in this miracle. Because if I allow fear, doubt, and caution to creep in… I will absolutely miss out on long awaited excitement and joy.

This is me choosing to walk into IVF fully believing that It. Will. Work. That this process will end with a baby in our arms. That God has brought us here for this moment. That He has promised us a child. That He is faithful.

My God is not safe. He is not tame. He is wild and oh, He is good.